On this very day last week, I was sitting across the table from my friend, Darren.  We were having coffee together that morning. I was curled up on the upholstered bench, with my wool scarf wrapped around my neck and I specifically remember the way the morning light was pouring in through the window behind me. It fell perfectly across the table we were sitting at…Darren, on one side, basking in the sun…me, on the other, tucked away in the dark.

We caught up on the details of life for a little while…but it wasn’t long before Darren leaned back in his chair and with the softest voice, he asked me “so…what’s going on?”

A week earlier we had been talking about our careers and the direction we each seemed to be headed. Both full-time photographers, we were finding ourselves asking questions about where we going and how we were going to get there.

Life can be like that sometimes; filled with questions you’d never thought you’d ask and staring at circumstances you’d never thought you’d see.

After a long, drawn out sigh, I finally looked up at him from the table and simply answered, “I just want to write…”

“So, why don’t you write then?”, he replied.

Good question!

Of course, I had a lengthy laundry list of reasons why I shouldn’t simply jump ship on the career I had worked so hard to build; we had just bought a new house…maybe it’s not the most financially responsible thing to do right now…I do truly enjoy what I already do…I have the most amazing clients ever…and on and on and on I went.

Really, what it came down to though…was that I was scared.

Scared of failing. Scared of rejection. Scared of change. Scared of sacrifice.

I was just outright scared.

And that’s when my amazing friend said one of the most comforting things I’ve heard in a really long time…

He leaned towards me…crossed his arms on the table…and looked at me straight in the eyes. And with a gentleness that I will forever remember, he said “don’t forget…you’re always in control here.”

Why did I always forget this?

To me, fear always felt like a hostage situation. As though I was somehow handcuffed to circumstances I couldn’t break away from. And all the while, I’d forget that I also possessed the key to those very same handcuffs. I was both the hostage and the one holding myself captive.

But I had choices in all of this.

When Darren told me this…still basking in the sunlight on the other side of the table…I felt like he was inviting me to the other side. As though he was reminding me that – at any point in time – I could stand up from the table…move out of the darkness…and be in the light.

He was reminding me that I was the one who could set myself free.

Now…let’s rewind to nearly twelve hours earlier…

I was sitting at my computer…about to turn out the lights for the night….and I had just hit publish on a post I originally wrote back in June for a brilliant friend and colleague’s blog series about keeping things real.

I went to bed. Woke up the next morning. Got ready. Got the kids off to school. Met Darren for coffee. And all the while, something was happening. Something I wasn’t even aware of. Something that would change everything…

Darren and I continued to chat for another two hours that morning. And as I walked back to my car…I made a quick check of my phone…and right there – in the middle of the sidewalk – on a brisk Wednesday morning, I began to embark on one of the most surreal weeks of my life.

There’s something incredibly overwhelming about being brought to your knees in pure gratitude. About having your vulnerability bring people together. About being a part of something so much bigger than your self.

There is something incredibly overwhelming about being seen. For all that you are. All that you were. And all that you hope to be.

So, here we are. Together. In a place that you built. Overcoming a fear that you helped chase away.

And here I am…choosing the other side of the table.

Thank you for bringing me here…I can’t wait to sit in the light with you!

xoxo