Sometimes it happens…
Sometimes, the alarm clock goes off and as I roll over in bed and peek out the window, I can see darkness. And cold. More cold. The days are getting shorter and I’m starting to miss waking up to the sun.
Since the kids are enduring their first colds of the season…they haven’t slept well. Which means we haven’t slept well. Which also means that, sometimes, I want to take my giant down filled blankets…tuck them close over my head…and wait for another day to come around.
But I don’t.
Instead – with my hair all disheveled and my eyes still groggy…I walk down the stairs…kiss my husband goodbye…and patiently wait for my first coffee of the day to kick in.
If I’m lucky, the kids will stay asleep for a little while longer…and so I put off the inevitable for as long as I can. But it eventually happens. I eventually sit down to my computer…log on to those brightly lit screens…and proceed to watch the world – the world inside my computer – unfold in all it’s polished perfection.
I’ll catch up on Facebook with the latest birth announcements…engagements…and thirty second slideshows of everyone’s happy faces. I’ll head over to Twitter to see everyone’s witty commentary on their early morning runs and their latest celebrity sighting. Then, of course, Instagram – the land of romantic dinner parties, amazingly coordinated outfits of the day, and perfectly lit selfies!
And yes…sometimes it happens…
Sometimes, I wish that I had just tucked those cozy blankets over my head and called it a day. Because that world in there…in those news feeds and with those hashtags…that is not my world.
While you’re posting pictures of your beautifully behaved children in impeccably gorgeous outfits…I’m secretly wondering how my kids and I made it this far without appearing on the six o’clock news. While you’re showing me your newest amazing eye shadow combination…I’m the girl in front of a youtube tutorial who accidentally glued her eye lids together trying to put on fake lashes. While you’re cooking up that latest delicious vegan creation from scratch…I’m eating the other half of last night’s apple turnover for breakfast.
And most of the time I love it.
Most of the time, I love your life and I love my life and I love that we can share our lives together.
But sometimes, it happens…
Sometimes, on days when my socks don’t match and my teeth aren’t brushed. On days when my kids spend hours screaming at me and we’re in the car for too long. On days when there’s never enough coffee and never enough hours in the day.
That’s when that world makes me feel like I’ve failed to keep up with my own. When the beautiful pictures and great statuses leave me wondering why mine doesn’t look the same. Sometimes, that world and all of it’s perfection makes me wonder what I’m doing wrong.
Because my kids’ birthday parties don’t look like that…and my hair doesn’t curl like that…and my closets are never organized like that. And my life certainly doesn’t transform with the simple click of a filter like that.
Believe me…I get it. I’ve hit ‘share’ enough times to know that I feed the beast as much as the next person. Maybe not with the ombre highlights I so admire or the DYI home project that I never get around to doing. But I contribute to blurring those lines…likely, on a daily basis. And I feel the exhaustion from both making it happen and from trying to resist.
And so, sometimes, it happens…
Sometimes, I wake up wishing that we had an app that blocked out filters and a hundred and forty characters reserved solely for the truth. Sometimes, I want to wake up to scroll through a news feed filled with pictures of the laundry piling up and the Kraft dinner that we ate right out of the pot. The meltdowns that we’ve endured and the shirt that we’ve worn for the third day in a row. The email telling us that our photos weren’t chosen to be featured or the dark circles declaring permanent residency beneath our eyes. The loneliness or the doubt.
And not because I wish that upon you or me or the person I’ve only met once before or not at all. But because that way, I could comment and say “hey, me too!” and we could realize that it’s okay. It’s okay to be real…it’s okay to be imperfect…it’s okay to be honest. That way, I could share my honest life with your honest life and together, we could lift each other up through these honest lives that we live.
Of course, that perfect photo above the clouds to your next destination will also appear…and that perfect moment out with friends will be too good to resist. But guess what? That is also honest. Those unbelievable (and all too fleeting) moments happen…in all their wonder and all their perfection. But I’m also willing to guess that they happen scattered among the rest. Among the messy…among the unorganized…among the ordinary.
Among the honesty of it all…
Love this! #keepingitreal!
Sometimes you need that reallity check to see the good times for what they are. Life is not always perfect.
Let’s see a photo of your piled up laundry!! It will make me feel SO much better. 🙂
Hey! Me too…❤️. And…not but, but and…and I know that my life has moments of perfect beauty and Grace and most days that is more than enough…❤️
I have to admit that this has been an issue for me lately even more than usual, after going through some pretty terrible times of grief, loss, and illness. Although I love being able to see photos and videos of my 2 year old grandson and my daughter who live across the country, and also do really like a lot of the interaction FB offers, I often find myself with heavy heart, feeling that the world is passing me by while I’m no longer able to work, run around taking fun vacations like I used to, and not really knowing what the future holds. I do like to see the people I care having fun and doing all those things I would love to do again, but I also wish more of us could be comfortable showing our vulnerable side. The few times I have, it has prompted a lot of questions and then I feel uncomfortable – like I shouldn’t be airing my “dirty laundry” while everyone else is keeping it positive and putting their best foot forward for the most part.
This is so true. So so so so true. Especially if you are going thru a rough patch. But yes, I feed that beast also.
Authenticity. It’s something I strive for in my life. And, it’s the biggest reason I don’t like the whole social media thing sometimes Yes, it’s wonderful to stay in touch with far-away friends – and make a connection with people I probably otherwise wouldn’t – however – this is one of the reasons I don’t like social media as you so wonderfully point out in this post. For me – it is the difficulty of balancing authenticiy. While, I try to be authentic myself – I don’t see the point in sharing totally negative stuff – who wants to read that? I also believe by sharing it – sometimes we reinforce it. I’m not saying we need to ignore it — But – as this you so beautifully point out – sometimes you just aren’t feeling it – and that fake it till you make it just won’t work. I totally relate to your points here. Thanks for sharing!
I raised 8 children alone and my yesterday’s were filled with laundry that multiplied at night, socks whose mate was eaten by the washer, food rotting between the mattress and boxed spring because someone tried to hide it and forgot, and my name “Mama” being yelled over and over again until I wanted to change it. Call me anything but Mama I would want to scream back. Now those 8 are grown with children of their own, the laundry can be done in one load and the house is silent. Be honest about your days. Parenthood and motherhood is not for sissies. It is hard and sometimes you want to run away, but you don’t. You stick it out because you know that this, too, will end. I love your blogs. It makes me know that I was alright. Too.
Compare and dispare. Yup.
I totally hear you on this. It is impossible to scroll through social media and not feel the voice of comparison in your ear. The only thing I feel the need to remind you, is that just maybe, those people are filling their own voids. Maybe their worlds are full of heartbreak or guilt or depression or grief or isolation, and documenting the happy moments is the only thing that gets them through the tough days. Just food for thought…
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