Do you ever feel like a total fraud sometimes?  As though, at any minute, someone’s going to “figure you out” and realize that you actually don’t know anything at all?!?

There’s this really sweet old lady that lives a few streets down from us.  Every single day – rain or shine – she goes for a walk through the neighborhood.  It takes her about two hours to walk four blocks…but she does it!  Most days, we tend to cross paths with her en route either to or from our destination and each time we do, her face lights up at the sight of Hudson in his stroller!  She waddles over to us as quickly as she can and starts chatting up a storm with our little man!  She is actually so enamored with Hudson that it took her two whole months to even realize that we had Avery!!!  What can I say…our kid is a total flirt!

Anyways, a little while ago, we ran into her on the street when I was coming back from the gym.  I had both kids bundled in the stroller…my gym bag over one shoulder…Hudson’s backpack over the other…and Avery’s diaper bag strung over the handlebar.  We stopped for our usual daily update with her and when she asked where we had been, I explained that we were on our way home from the gym and the grocery store.  On this particular day, I also explained that – unfortunately – we didn’t have tons of time to chat because I needed to get everyone home and fed before I left for my shoot.

She gave me her best sympathetic eyes and as we parted ways, she gently squeezed my hand and said “you know…if you keep this up, I might just have to start calling you Wonder Women!”

That was it.  That was my fraudulent feeling moment!  As the words came out of her mouth, one part of me felt like hugging her, while the other part of me felt like punching her in the throat!!!  Not because I didn’t appreciate the sentiment…but because I felt like she was just one step closer to uncovering my secret…that I actually haven’t been feeling much of Wonder Anything lately!

The last month or so has been a roller coaster ride of insanity!!!  I thought that having my husband home would make me less busy but, in a lot of ways, it just seems to open up more time to do…well, more stuff!  And that’s not always a good thing.  The past four weeks have been a plethora of client meetings, photo sessions, volunteer work for our church, time at the gym, going out for runs, road trips to visit family and the list goes on.  All of these things are great except that when you flutter in every direction…it can suck the “wonder” right out of you…leaving you to do bits of everything instead of truly fulfilling anything.  Needless to say that after a month of this, the wonderful side of me feels a bit depleted.  No more wonder mom…wonder wife…wonder photographer and least of all wonder woman!

What it did lead to though was me spending the better part of the weekend in bed.  My body calling it quits.  My stamina officially running out.  As my father-in-law puts it…”you can only maintain that pace for so long…”

In between my three hour naps though, I began to wonder about something else; what exactly compels a person to change?  And I don’t just mean changing your sheets or changing your haircut…I mean fundamental change?  What needs to happen in order to change the core behaviours that we struggle with long term?  Is it a bad report from the doctor?  A close call with a loved one?  Or just one headache too many?  After nearly an entire weekend in bed, I still have no idea…but I’m definitely up for the challenge of trying.  Mostly because it’s just not like me to allow myself to get so out of sorts.  I thrive off of balance…off of that fine equilibrium that defines determination from the sacred art of living.  But like everyone else, I fall out of line with my priorities sometimes.  Isn’t that what the proverbial “wagon” is for…so that we have something to fall off of?!?!

Anyways, having said all of this, I’m on a mission to turn things around now.  To breathe a bit deeper…to walk a bit slower…to sleep a bit longer.  And of course, dream a bit bigger.  I’m on a mission to find my “wonder” again!  At least a little piece of it!  Our time together as a family is far too short for me to spend it all going a mile a minute.  And not to mention that my recent diet of caffeine and Tylenol is getting a bit old!

So to start things off right, we’re heading to one of our most favourite places on earth in a few days.  We are off to visit Steve’s parents for the Easter long weekend and introducing Avery to Tilbury for the first time.  I always loved making the drive to this beloved house…but doing so with my children is even more amazing.  We are actually going to be celebrating their great grandmother’s 90th birthday on Sunday {complete with an Easter egg hunt in the park and a visit from my dearest friend}…something that not a whole lot of children will ever be able to say they’ve done.

I can’t possibly think of a more perfect beginning to a new perspective than celebrating that kind of life…a truly wonderful life!

And though I haven’t really been able to put this new start into words very well…I’m grateful that I’ve had my iPhone around to do a far better job of document what’s been inspiring me.

Isn’t Instagram the best?  You might even say that it’s…wonderful!!!