I met God for the first time when I was twenty-three years old.  I was walking down the street on a cold, rainy Tuesday evening.  And we met.   Kind of the same way you meet a stranger in line at a coffee shop.  Except that He wasn’t a stranger.  He was someone I had known my whole life.

I met Kate for the first time when I was twenty-seven years old.  It was a beautifully gorgeous August day.  And we met.  Kind of the same way you meet one of your oldest friends from high school.  Except that she wasn’t really an old friend.  She was someone I had only just met.

My relationship with God can be complicated at times.  Not because it actually is…but rather, because I’m a part of it, and in turn, complexity ensues.  I’m still very immature in my faith, and as a result, I often find myself fighting with God.  I still want control.  I still want answers.  I still want reassurance that everything will be okay.  But He is patient with me and remains by my side even when I don’t make it very easy to love me.  I can’t see Him…but I know that He is there.

My relationship with Kate is never complicated.  And realistically, you would think that it should be.  We live six hours from each other.  We seldom have moments in our hectic days to keep in touch.  And yet we do.  Over time and distance, we have built something out of nothing.  A friendship that is one of the safest places in the world to me.  And while I don’t often get to see her…I always know that she is there.

We started making plans for Kate’s pictures months ago.  Back when there was still a slight chill in the air and the excitement of summer months still lingered before us.  We had scheduled them for the evening before Steve and I were due to catch our flight for Las Vegas.  I imagined the anticipation of our trip radiating through every one of my steps.  I had visions of being slender and sun-kissed.  I imagined the summer months having been kind to my soul.

I often do this.  I live for anticipation.  I thrive off of the vision of what might be.  I constantly fall in love with potential that lies ahead.

But as I drove our car down the secluded dirt road to meet Kate, dust rose in the air, leaving the view behind me nothing more than a cloud in the distance.  Not unlike many of the months that had just gone by.  When I got out of the car – bags under my eyes, a physical ache in my body, the weight of seeming defeat on my shoulders – it wasn’t more than a few minutes before it happened…before the tears started streaming…before the desperation tried to break loose.

This past summer has been hard for me.  I’ve struggled through what feels like a hurricane of my own design.  Anxiety.  Worry.  Doubt.  Fear.  I’ve struggled to walk away from the lies and walk towards a better truth.  I’ve struggled with the fears that I may never get to be who God wants me to be…that I may never get to be who God intended me to be.  I’ve struggled with the idea that my fear may forever hold me back.  I’ve struggled to trust…to let go…to surrender.  And in essence, what this really means…is that I’ve struggled with God.  And it’s left me feeling very far from Him at times.

It’s made me wonder if He forgot about me.  If He stopped hearing my prayers.  If He stopped feeling my pain.  This, more than anything, has been enough to rip me apart.

But then there is Kate.  My beautiful friend who – for the better part of an hour – let me cry instead of take pictures.  My beautiful friend who – while a puddle formed at my feet – held the shattered pieces of my broken heart in the palm of her hands.  My beautiful friend who – along the side of a dirt road, as the sun set behind us – came to my rescue.

We took the following images with only twenty-five minutes of daylight left.  Through tear soaked eyes and an uplifted soul…I did my best to capture the essence that is this incredible person.  And truthfully, they are some of my absolute favourite images that I’ve ever taken.  Ever.

When I look at them, I am reminded of a fundamental truth…a truth that I nearly let pass me by in my river of sadness.  I am reminded that while our own walk with God is just that…our own…our walk through life was never meant to be taken alone.  I am reminded that when Kate embraced the floodgates of my agony…it wasn’t just Kate.  It was God radiating through Kate.  It was our God whispering, “See…I’m here.  I hear you.  I ache for you.  And you’re never alone.”

Because that’s what this life is really about.  Crying together.  Laughing together.  Living together.  Reaching out to the heavens…together.

When I look at these pictures, I will forever be reminded of one of the most beautifully vulnerable moments of my life.  A moment when the clouds parted and the light came pouring through.  A moment when I called…and He answered.

When I look at these pictures, I will forever be reminded that I’m just a girl with a camera…and God does the rest…