When I was a little girl, my Mom and I used to go out for dinner and a movie every Friday night.  We would sit for hours and talk about the week gone by.  Sometimes we would laugh…other times we would cry.  But mostly…we would just catch up.  Catch up on the little moments that we may have missed…or forgotten about…or felt the need to keep to ourselves at the time.  We didn’t do this very often during my last few years at home as the ravages of life eventually took its toll on our time and our relationship.

In 1997, I moved to Ottawa to begin University. I was making new friends…having new adventures…and starting a new story.  That first semester was one of the best times of my life.  Every few years or so, my Mom would visit Ottawa from B.C. and during each visit, I would catch myself asking her if she wanted to go for coffee sometime.  Her reaction was usually the same.  Almost offended.  “We never used to go out for coffee”, she would tell me…”we always went out for dinner and a movie”.  I would look back puzzled…confused at the relevance.

I never understood how inviting my Mom out for coffee somehow translated into rejecting a history that we once shared.  In turn, we never did end up ever going out for coffee.

For a long time, I used to wonder if my Mother was right.  If, by changing over time, I was turning my back on the life I once lived…the past I once knew.  If I was somehow betraying the person I used to be by having become someone different.

I later realized – through too much personal sacrifice – that I can love both.  I don’t need to let go of one at the hands of the other.  I can change and still have room inside of me for everything that was once real.  I can love going out for coffee and love going out for dinner.  I can love the city I grew up in and the city that I now call home.  I can love my past and still love my present.

Because here’s the thing…we all change.

In this life, I think that the most challenging and exciting thing that we get to do, is to try and become the most genuine version of ourselves.  To harness that part of our being that feels the most alive.  We owe it to ourselves to find this person that exists inside of us.

And to do that…we have to live.  We have to learn.  We have to love.

And love…changes everything.

The more we love others and the more we are loved…the more we change.  The more those layers of ourselves get peeled back and a more radiant soul comes to the surface.

Our friends.  Our family.  Our children.  Our churches.  Our pets.  Our passions.

These change us…because loving them changes us.

I came to love nature from my Mom.  I uncovered a love for the finer things in life from my Dad.  I deeply love the written word because of a world that brought me literature.  I discovered a love for rock music from my first boyfriend.  I allowed myself to truly love because of my husband.  I fell more in love with life because of my babies.  I learned to love myself because I was first loved by my God.

Love changes everything.

This past year has changed me in more ways than I ever thought possible…

I broke apart.  I began to put the pieces back together again.  And albeit cracked…I found that my heart was still beating.  My soul was still breathing.  My light was still shining.  And all because I was loved.

In my darkest of moments…I was loved.  In my saddest of tears…I was loved.  In my deepest of fears…I was loved.

And love changes everything.  So I changed.  And continue to do so.  With the mending of each wound…with the beginning of each  story…with the peeling back of each layer.  I change.  Sometimes painfully.  But always gratefully.

So it seemed only fitting that – eventually – things would start to look a bit different around here too.  That those internal changes would begin to have an outward appearance.  A new look and a new feel for a whole new place in my life.

This change has been a long time coming and has acquired more hours than I can even handle writing.  But it, too, has changed throughout the process.  It’s taken a few turns of its own along the way.  But after countless months, it has – at long last – begun to look at bit more like…me.  The person that I am…the person that I’m becoming…the person that I hope to be.

Take a moment, if you can, to visit my new site here – as it is truly my honour to welcome you into my new space…a space which is – essentially – a place inside of me that looks a bit more familiar.

It’s a place that love changed…