Hudson was only a few weeks old when I found myself sitting at our family’s dining room table across from one of my closest friends. It was Easter weekend and the flowers were starting to bloom and the air was starting to warm up.
I remember how tiny he looked just sleeping there in my arms.
My friend and I were talking about the life changing weeks that had just gone by and somewhere in the conversation, I made a joke about spending my son’s education fund on coffee. And this is when my dear friend looked across the table at me and said, “I’m so glad that you are still you”.
I didn’t know what she meant at the time. All I knew was that I certainly didn’t feel like I was still me.
Being less than a month into parenthood, I felt exhausted…I barely managed to swing a change of clothes every day…and I couldn’t even remember the last time I had brushed my teeth.
I felt like a very distant version of the person I once was. In love with this tiny person I had made…yes. Still me…not so much.
I understood recently though.
As I met up with some of my favourite humans recently to meet their newest addition…I finally knew what my friend meant that day when she uttered those beautiful words…
I think sometimes, when we are in the throws of such giant change, we just feel different and disconnected from who we used to be. Even if it’s just the person we used to be last week. And I don’t know if my friends felt that way or not…but to me, they were still them.
In the way they had croissants baking in the oven and the way beautiful little outfits were picked out. In the way laughter would always enter the conversation and the way that they talked about their future plans.
These were my friends. The same people they had been before they had their beautiful children. They were busy and tired and experiencing a whole new part of life for the first them.
But they were them. Only better.
Because now…there were even more of them to love!